DETERMINATE

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor
Determinate, d-determinate
Push until you can't and then demand more
Determinate, d-determinate

-Lemonade Mouth (Disney Channel Original Movie)

I always wanted to be a writer. What is writing all about for me? For me this means that I find a canvas to create a literary world whereby I can pour my emotions and tell the world that I'm not only good at it but I enjoy it. But being a writer takes a lot more than just writing. It's about being determined determinated (yeah, I watch Disney).

Determination is hard. Determination implies that you push until you can't then demand more. That translates to writing beyond your level of satisfaction and then go just a little further (well that's the author's translation anyway).

All my life I have lacked the determination it took to do anything. I was never good at studying, I was never good at sports and I was never good at being with people. The thing is that I could have been good at any of these things if I tried just a little harder. In order for me to be a great writer I need to put a little more effort into writing and take a little more time to make my writing better than it is because believe me, it does get better, way better.

Unfortunately, today is not the day that I give it my all. Well, this is not the place really. I have a book to write and I have been putting it off for too long. I need that sense of accomplishment, I need to feel that my life has amounted to something; a book, not just any book but a book that will make the whole world say, "wow, Oscar Ruto did this?"

I am getting determinated one way or the other. That's one of the many things that life is all about. It makes things all the more interesting and it makes my ego-maniacal nature all the more worth while.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM JAY!!!

When you age know that the universe favours you.

-Oscar Ruto

Today is a special day. Judging from the fact that I used my own quote today it'd be safe to assume that it is my birthday. Well, assumptions do tend to be wrong and this situation is no different. Today is a birthday but it is not my birthday. On this day we celebrate (well, we don't really celebrate but you get the point) the birthday of a fellow blogger and cyber-mate (does such a word exist. If not then I have the rights to it), Meghan, yes, the friend I blogged about recently.

I stated in that blog post that Meghan and I became friends through facebook. If I do remember correctly she sent a friend request and I was at awe because I did not know who she was. Being the egotistical bastard that I am, I assumed that she fancied my profile picture. Who was I to decline the request of a woman whose profile picture was, and still is, equally if not more stunning? So I accepted.
What assumption did I make from that extra friend on facebook? Oh , she was bound to be just another friend that I never talked to or inboxed or had any interest whatsoever in. However, fate had another plan.
Coincidentally, that was the same time that I started taking blogging seriously. In order to expand interest in my blog I shared it to friends on facebook. Meghan was one of the few who actually read it and strangely enough she liked it. I got my first comment from her and she was one of my first followers.
At that same time she decided to put up a blog of her own and you can guess the rest from that point onwards.
Meghan, you have made me want to put up a post every single day. You have made writing a joy and I really do appreciate the fact that you took interest in my blog.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM JAY.
I DO HOPE YOU LIVE TO SEE ME WIN MY NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE (there I go. The battle with my ego rages on even on this day).

A RESOLUTION THREE WEEKS TOO SOON.

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

I intend to give a small description of myself. This is more of a psychological description and not a physical one.
I am immature, inconsiderate, pompous, inciteful, solitary and overally egotistical. I have endured pain and suffering that, for the most part, have been caused by none other than myself. All my success have come about not by hard work or determination but by serendipity e.g. since I enrolled in high school I have held the top position longer than anyone else in my year. As much as I'd like to give my intelligence all the rave, that would not be true. I am not necessarily the smartest person in any room that I walk into but for some reason my grades were always at the top of the list.
The sad part about stating all these things is that I can. I know that I have a problem yet I have done nothing towards dealing with the problem. It has been made clear that the first step towards fixing a problem is knowing that there is a problem. Yeah, that doesn't seem to be the case with me. As soon as I learn that I have a problem I learn to live with it rather than take action against it. Today, however, I have made a resolution (yeah, three weeks before new year's eve); I am going to change.

Change, as we have been told, is all about trying to make those that are imperfect perfect, accepting that you can get it from just about everything but a vending machine and telling the theoretical physicists that their theory of change being the only constant is a lot more than just a theory.
When I was a freshman in high school there was a senior that I looked up to. He was highly intelligent, diligent and respected. I always said to myself that I wanted to be like that guy. Now, four years later I'm not that guy. I am a version of myself that I want to do away with. But I have come to a decision. No longer do I want to be like that senior. I want to be the version of me that I can live with. I am a work in progress and I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to be the person that I can be.

P.s. Not all change is for the better and not all steps move forward.

ANOTHER DEFINITION TO A COMMON STATE OF MIND.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

-Mohandas Gandhi

Today I received a wall post from a fellow blogger, Meghan (this time I'll go with an alias), on facebook. The post was pretty clear;happiness. My reply to this was rather odd; the ever so, dare I say it, prevalent "huh". What was that post supposed to symbolize? Obviously, being a fellow blogger, I assumed that she was handing me a topic to write about since I had made it ever so clear that I took pride in the fact that I can turn any pile of shit into pieces of work that would look like that from Hemmingway (yeah, it's a constant fight with my ego).
So here I am. In front of a computer screen contemplating how I should go about this diverse topic. Huh! Maybe even I have problems with creating gold from iron.
I have known Meghan for a couple of weeks now and I'd like to consider her as a friend even though it is pretty clear that we haven't met. Our only "region" of convergence is the virtual world. Yes, the world wide web. Through her blog, awanderingfirefly.blogspot.com, I have been able to see the places she has seen, taste the food that have graced her tongue and drown in the myriads of emotions that she has gone through.
When her world was opened to me I made a statement that cynically humurous, "I hate you cause your writing is better than mine". What a guy I must be?
Being the sweet person that she is, she replied by saying, "no, I don't think so. I love your writing."
What can I say about such a person? I can say that this person isn't modest about humility. She made me feel absolutely amazing without even knowing it. That wandering firefly lit up my world and caused me to leave teardrops everywhere with her kind words and not-so-modest humility.
Maybe that's what happiness is all about; receiving support not only from those who love you but those that simply know you.

Drinks to you Meghan. You made writing that much funner for me.

P.s I do guess that I have found a way to make gold out of iron. Yeah, Hemmingway is definitely looking up at me plus maybe Meghan wasn't really giving me a topic to write about but just stating a state of mind. Who cares? In the end I gained just another thing to prove that I am a fairly decent writer.

WHAT SORT OF CHARACTER WOULD I BE?

It is also true that one can write nothing readable unless one constantly struggles to efface one's own personality. Good prose is like a windowpane.

-George Orwell

As a bored teenager who would rather spend his days enjoying the feuds within television dramas rather than go out and experience life first-hand I tend to dwell upon quite a series of strange questions. One of these many questions has wrecked havoc through my psychological being for years but not once have I been able to access an answer within the vast and rather messy library that is my brain; what sort of character would I be in a movie/television series? Huh! What a question right? I'm not going to take credit and assume that I'm the first person to have asked mysef such a question but I am going to say that I am one of the first to point it out (I've got an issue with my ego)
Well, it is safe for me to assume that most people would hope that they were heroes in a major script. Those who go in such of danger with an aim of eradicating it and of course they are those who hope to be the intelligent villain whose diverse intellectual abilities allow him to predict every step carried out by the other characters. The fact remains that no one wants to be the supporting character. We all want to have the larger-than-life personality that would let us be that guy in the movie that we all love or rather love to hate.
How do I become that guy?
That's a simple question that deserves a complex answer. It's all about personality (I guess it isn't as complex as I had presumed). Personality is what sets apart the men from the boys (well, not really but it does play a role), it's what separates the TV stars from the movie stars.  Yeah, if you believe that you are larger-than-life then you just might end up being over 1258 Lbs.

Personality traits are not things that we are born with. Just because your father is badass it doesn't mean that you'll be whooping ass all your life. Through experiences that we gain in our life we come to make small changes about ourselves that eventually build up a major personality; you. The path that you have followed in life will determine what sort of character you'll be hero, villain or supporting. Me, I'd rather be at the top of the food chain but things just don't happen because we want them to. Sometimes we've got to stop kissing as and start whooping ass to get to the top and build our personalities because that's an accessory that you need with you everywhere you go.

DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE!!

I'm dense when it comes to discouragement.

-Lynn Abbey

Recently I came upon a new "habit" if you will; wearing skinny jeans. Now, I'm not one to be egocentric but I know for certain that they make me look fabulous. Not just because of my nice ass but because two months of pumping iron in the gym have made my legs rather desirable, especially the thighs.

Skinny jeans are not the most comfortable item of clothing that one can own and they do carry with them some stereotype that's rampant in the streets on Nairobi; apparently wearing skinny jeans makes you gay. If that is so then I am most certainly willing to make out with Graham Norton.

As much as I do love rockin' them the burden of people's mentalities sort of weighs down on you. Thus I say this; Nairobians have rained on my parade and unfortunately, my umbrella isn't with me.

So, should I go on with the trend made clear to me by the New Boyz or should I drop down the skinnies, let the world view the sheer mass on my appendage and pull up a pair of straight fitting jeans that do nothing for my ego? I think I'll stick to the skinnies.

When I first learned that women's pencil jeans were being worn by men I was astounded. How could that be? I mean, I could understand the Scottish wearing skirts (which is a fact they try to canopy by referring to them as kilts but we can all see that they are skirts) but such tight jeans. How could one hold in the discomfort of denim groping onto your junk? At least the Scottish skirt, I mean kilts, give you some room to breathe.

Years passed by and I had not yet let the opportunity to wear a pair into my front door. Eventually, I succumb to the pressure of constant images of seemingly bad ass rock stars rockin' skinnies so I stepped into the world of tight ass jeans.

In all honesty, it has been a blast. They do so much for your self-esteem in the most unorthodox of ways and if ego is your think then you will enjoy being in them. So to be told that rockin' them makes me something that I'm not, well that sucks.

In protest to this, I will roam the streets of Nairobi for months on end wearing nothing to cover my limbs (legs to be specific) but skinny jeans cause I ROCK SKINNIES, I ROCK SKINNIES and they feel great (well, not that much but I look good).

HAVE A DRINK TO THAT...

I think a guy who's had just the right amount of booze can sing the blues a hell of a lot better than a guy who is stone sober.
-Charlie Rich

Today I decided to dwell on a totally random topic. I pride myself on the fact that I can make shit read like works from Hemmingway. The topic is booze.
Do you love booze? The answer to that will most probably be no due to the fact that you fear being referred to as a boozer. No one here cares how much you drink because as long as it doesn't affect me directly, I'm all for it.
Most people love booze. The sour taste at the end of every sip, the cool touch of the bottle on your lip and the strong sense of accomplishement after putting down five bottles and still standing tall.
But do you know what people like most about alcohol? People like, no, they love, the fact that alcohol gives them the freedom to act like total asses even if for a few hours.
Think about it, who are some of the heaviest drinkers? Lawyers, big shot business tycoons and round-the-clock doctors. They use alcohol as a substitute for the missed moments to remember i.e. one bottle for my daughter's ballet performance (that I missed), one bottle for my wife's delivery (that I missed) and one bottle for the big game (that I missed). And the list goes on and on.
In my country (Kenya), people spend the weekend (which begins on Friday at 6pm here) taking down booze and barbeque (which we locally refer to as "chama choma"). This country os not a 24hour economy so people spend the weekend like it's their last. Women head for clubs and drop to give a lot more that fifty, men head out to the nearest pubs and for a heated argument on politics and the hot gymnastics girls and the university students take booze to their dorms and hope to get the girl next door high as fuck so as to fuck. The legal drinking age is 18 here so it's all good (yeah, sucks to be you American teenagers). What is the most common sight in Kenya on the weekends? A man with a gut popping out harder than Sara Jay's bust with a bottle of Tusker (our beer since 1922) in hand.

All that in the name of a good weekend. You know what they say, "drink one and you're in control, drink ten and you're knocked out, drink fifty and you're a god". In all honesty, no one says that but I'd like to hope that they will from now on.
"Cheers to the freakin' weekend,"
"Yeah, I'll have a drink to that,"
"But it's not yet the weekend,"
"Who cares? I like booze,"
"Fair enough. Get me one too."

DON'T PUT THAT SHIT DOWN

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.
-Douglas MacArthur

In 2010, I took a chess class. Chess was pretty fun to begin with and I got to be a really good player but when the chance came for me to prove to the world that my efforts were actually going somewhere, I backed down.
When I was 10, I took karate classes and they really helped get of my ass because I was such a lazy child but I quit because the teacher was too hard on us.
I had always loved to play piano but when I had the opportunity to better myself as a piano player I gave up.
What do all these things say about me? Well, the answer to that is pretty simple; Oscar Ruto is a quitter.

 Whenever I hear people quitting in a movie it pisses me off because as a story-teller I can pretty much assume that if they were to not quit the next scene would be a rather beautiful one. However, when I look at my life and pay attention to the fact that I'm a quitter, I just don't give a fuck.
In all those years of my life in which I have started things only to eventually dump them, I have never quit on one thing; writing. The reason that I have not quit writing is not because I think that I'm the best but because I think that I can get somewhere with this.
I started writing when I was 7. At that time I just looked at writing as a sweet escape from the boredom that was mediocre life. With my HB pencil in hand and leaf pad in view, I could turn a boring hour into an adventure through wonderland and narnia.

As time went on I dropped several other hobbies because they were a bother but I never quit writing. That might say one thing; that my future revolves around this miserable art or it just might say that it's my favourite hobby.
The thing about quitting is that it slowly eats away at your desire to persevere and move on with even the most mundane of things. Now I might think that I'm winning because I haven't quit writing but tomorrow all those years of quitting might make me view writing as a bother as well.
Quitting, just like smoking or drinking, can be an addiction and we all know how difficult it can be to break an addiction. Maybe you shouldn't put that shit down and stick with it until something marvelous is achieved from it.

FAITH

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
-Albert Einstein

What can I say on this topic? It's quite frightening to write about God knowing full well that any callously used phrase can be called blasphemous. Well, I'm a writer. My work isn't to please the audience but to make them think, right?
God; what can I say about Him? I think that it's pretty clear from the way I have punctuated the previous sentence that I believe in Him but it has not always been so. There were several points in my life that I assumed that I could do without him. Times when I was lost and expecting to be found but it never seemed to happen. Times when I thought that know one was with me in the darkness. But I was wrong. God was with me and it was He who brought me out of the abyss and into the eternal light(sounds a bit moronic. I know).
Why do most people believe in God? The answer is quite simple really; they fear the repercussion of having to admit otherwise or they have been raised to believe that not believing in Him will get them in the pits of hell. Are these really good reasons to believe in God? Believing in Him because of fear and not because of love and respect. Is it really better to be loved or to be feared?
When I lost faith in God it was because I did not understand a lot of the things that made Him who He was plus the bible had a lot of holes in it(it still does but that's beside the point). If God truly did care for us then why did He have to cause all the suffering for those who were faithful to Him. That wasn't really my reason but it served as a good excuse. I just stopped believing because I had got to a point in my life where I thought it served no purpose to do so. If things were going to get fucked up then lack of faith in God meant that the only one to blame was yourself. After years of doing so I joined His flock again. This does not imply that I'm one of those who goes around screaming that he/she is saved but I do have enough faith to call myself a believer.
So, why don't I go to church every other Sunday if I do believe. I don't do so because I don't think that going to church proves anything. Who am I kidding? I don't go to church because I like to party, I like it when my touch drives all the girls crazy and I liked to be tucked down with the radio on and the night belongs to me(mmmmh! Beyonce can work some magic). I spend my Saturday nights lost in the disco beats and spend Sunday mornings lost in the sheets. All play and no work made Jack a mere toy, made Hugh Hefner a playboy and made me less coy.

I have a leve faith that makes it right for me to say I believe in God but I do not have the level of faith that makes it right for me to say that the gates of heaven will open up before me. For all I know I might be stuck on middle ground.
The point is that we do not know what it means to believe in God until you quit for a while The lesson here is not that you should try it but rather you should avoid it. A world without a superior being to look up to is not a world worth living in.

LETTER TO (THAT BITCH) KARMA

Dear Karma,
How have you been? I don't think I need to tell you how things have been going for me because you most probably do know. I do hope that you've been okay though. Yeah, I care.
For the past few weeks I have felt that you've been on my case for almost every little thing. This bothers me because I need some room to breathe a little. I do understand that it is your job to get us for fucking up but why wouldn't you offer us some liniency?
Life may have fucked you over hence people referring to you ever so callously as a "bitch". When I think of you I remember the fat girl in class who did anything to get some attention, that girl who would have sold her soul for something better. Why don't you stop being that girl? I'd really appreciate it if you turned a blind eye on some of my indiscretions. I have fucked over more than once and I have paid for it ever so painfully. Sometimes knowing that I made a mistake would be punishment enough, don't you think?
It's not my place to tell the authority how to do its job but it is my place to tell the authority to stop screwing me so hard. It fucking hurts sometimes. Maybe what you need to do is to lube it up before cocking it(I hope you get the metaphor because it would be a waste of words if you didn't).
Karma, please stop being such a fucking bitch and try to be more of a fuck(able) bitch because no one likes you and maybe if you put out we'd be open to listening to your side of the story. Life can be hard when no one is on your side so just try to get someone to toss it like you do and maybe the world would be that much fairer to you.
Take a day or even a whole month off. I'm not saying that the world would be so much better but it would most definitely be a lot more peaceful. You are the gunshot that started a revolution. You certainly offered some people their freedom but in return they took freedom away from others.
Sometime without you would be good for everybody so please consider it. The fact that you are a bitch shouldn't make you a mongrel(I'm referring to the fact that mongrels are idiots). Make the smart move and look to finish the queen rather than ending the whole game. Stay down for a while and look at the world from wherever it is you reside.

Yours faithfully,

Oscar Ruto. 



MARY JANE OR MOTHER TERESA

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
-George Bernard Shaw

When I was in high school I was surrounded by a bunch of people who were accustomed to partying, drinking and using drugs(nothing serious though). Whenever they did this I would always assume that I would be the biggest success amongst them because I avoided the "opportunity" to screw things up. Man, was I an asswhole. Some people would try to get me to try it out but my answer was always the same, " I don't want to fuck up my life". I was always the guy who would never do something that I assumed would be prohibited e.g. I didn't want to drive unless it was legal for me to do so, I didn't want to go for parties because I assumed that alcohol would be present. I always wished that someday I would find the courage to do so because, as much as it was me watching out for my future, I hated being that way. Nothing fun or unpredictable ever happens when you're that guy.
Why do people in their youth do these things? Does it really help them in future? I came to a conclusion. They do so in order to find themselves. Well, not in any conscious way but subconsciously they are looking to know what sort of people they are.
When most people go to university, they are there for either one of three reasons;

1. to get a successful job in future,
2. to make money,
3. to avoid reality for another four more years.

But there is a fourth reason. The fourth reason is to screw up. When I so callously toss out the phrase "screw up" I state it to refer to the fact that most people in university spend most of their free time partying, drinking, smoking and partaking (<this term makes the next seem so boring) in casual sex (I told you so) instead of doing what they actually went to university to do, studying.
Is there anything wrong with what they are doing? Depends on the situation. If you're underage and you go to an adults only party then yes, if you're a minor and you drink alcohol then yes, if you are smoking illegal substances then yes (not that I have anything against Mary Jane. Not that I can even see her clearly once I'm done blowing) and if the casual sex is not consensual then you should watch out for a prison sentence. However, when you do come out of that party filled with booze, weed and girls willing to put out, you will know who you are. God forbid, you might even be happy with who you are.

But maybe life isn't really about finding yourself rather than creating yourself. Maybe you might go to that party and decide that that isn't what you were in school for, that isn't who you want to be. When you are standing with the man in the mirror the following morning, you will either smile or frown. The reason as to either one of the reactions will be a decision. Do I want to be this guy for the rest of my life? If yes then Mary Jane will most likely be your new girlfriend and if no then toss Mary Jane for Mother Teresa (you know, without the "mother").
 I think I might hang out with Mary Jane for a while and decide whether or not I like her. Who knows? She might like the way I give head (haha, get it). It's all in the name of finding myself , right? Nah! I think I'd rather create myself. That way I'll become who I want to be, not who life wants me to be.

THUMBS UP/THUMBS DOWN

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There are many things we can thank our parents for; the financial support, the emotional support but what keeps us going throughout the rest of our lives is the encouragement they give us. Whenever we start doing something we get by on self-motivation. We simply psyche ourselves up by believing that one day those long ours in the gym will pay off. But then somewhere in between something happens; we lose all that psyche. We ask ourselves, "how come I'm no getting any bigger?", "why aren't the results any clear?". One thing will get you through that tough moment when you are in the gap between two trapeze, that moment when you are sick to your stomach and all that fear will materialize into a quick regurgitation and you will let go and even give up; encouragement.

Getting encouragement is easy. People all around you, even those that don't really like you, will chose to tell you that your work was impressive. The problem is that encouragement won't really go a long way unless you are willing to take it seriously.
When your mother tells you that a song you wrote was exemplary, you can either take it positively and acknowledge the fact that your mother truly wants you to succeed or you can be negative and assume that it's simply mother being her usual self.
Today, I visited my high school. I met a good friend of mine called Allan(that is his real name. No pseudonyms used here). Allan had always been an intelligent guy. From his upper-class speech pattern to the angle at which he held his chin up. That guy shut superiority. Now, Allan has always been the first person that I would send the link to the blog to on facebook.
Today, Allan gave me some feedback. It was not what I expected. As a friend I would expect him to be positive about the whole thing but this is what he said, "by the way, what's up with you and that blog? It sucks. Have you read other people's blogs?". Those are his words. Nothing has been added or subtratcted.
Yeah, how encouraging, right?
After a while of thinking about it I came to a conclusion that I should have come to as soon as he opened his mouth. The one thing that Allan would not accept is defeat, not necessary defeat but admission to the fact that someone had done something that he had not thought about. Now, I'm not saying that the work on this blog is gold but the fact that Allan was willing to put me down made me realise that maybe it was good enough(but it could still be better).
The point is that not everyone gives encouragement by saying shit like, "that was awesome" some might be a lot more cynical about it but they are giving encouragement nonetheless.
In order to find encouragement, you might need to listen to the meaning beyond the spoken word. Don't let small issues put you down. If someone wanted to put you down then it means that what you are doing has some worth to it.
Encouragement- negativity from those who disapprove of your potential greatness.

P.s. Sometimes when someone tells you that your work sucks, it just might be true. However, don't let that stop you from doing what you love to do.

JOHN CENA AND CHEERLEADERS

By perseverance the snail reached the ark.
-Charles Spurgeon

Like every boy in the world, I had always been a fan a the WWE even when it was still the WWF. I watched it because I loved muscular men showing just how masculine they were by throwing down in front of thousands of live viewers and millions of television viewers. After a while, however, I got bored. No longer did the carnage of Kane and the Undertaker entertain me. I had moved on to greater things like Gossip Girl and 90210.
Sometime in 2009 and begun watching wrestling again. I did so because my father and brothers were devote fans. It was a lot better than when I had stopped watching it and the wrestlers were so much more resilient. My favourite wrestler was Randy Orton. He was fast, cunning and simply highly skilled. Who didn't love the RKO? My worst wrestler was John Cena. That was not because he was a bad wrestler but because he was a righteous ass. I hated that about him. Hustle, loyalty and respect, really?! I would have liked him better if he just fought and shut the fuck up.
But then I started watching the pay-per-view events and I learned something about John Cena that no other wrestler had on them; perseverance.

John Cena was known throughout the WWE universe as a man who could take punishment just as much as he could deal it. Nothing could stand in the way of that man. Then I changed sides. No longer was Randy Orton my favourite superstar but it was John Cena.
What is perseverance? The power to keep on running for that extra mile on a treadmill, the power to keep on studying for that math test even if the chances that you'll pass are below average.
John Cena made me want to persevere. This was a man who had been knocked down with sledge hammers and somehow found a way to keep on fighting.
I wanted to be that guy. The guy who could stand up to a bully who had just beat me down. But the thing is that not everyone has it in them. I could try to be that guy but perseverance on its own failed to go a long way.
What you needed to make it all worth it was motivation. Even John Cena needed the cheering from the crowd to help him get back in his feet. They were his cheerleaders. The cheering that made him know that staying down would be disappointing those who stood up for him.

A combination of motivation and perseverance could make it through the New York marathon without breaking a sweat.

Next time that bully pins you to the ground, push back up and maybe you'll be on your way to becoming just like John Cena.

10,000 HOURS OR 1 HOUR OF PASSION...

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.

-Benjamin Franklin

You may or may not have realised that for the past week I have been blogging on a daily basis. I have been doing so because I love writing and I'd like to get some of my work out there. It not only makes me feel accomplished but it also makes me feel anxious. Why do I feel anxious? I do so because I would like to know what the audience thinks of my work. It doesn't really matter to me whether they like it or not but it would be a great motivator if they were to give me a thumbs up.
Today, however, I have sat in front of the computer for minutes on end with not a clue as to what the topic would be. I always thought of my self as gifted in the field of writing. Since childhood I had never needed to plan what I would write about whenever we were to told to write a composition. Once I sat down the idea came to me. You know what they say, if you fail to plan, you plan to succeed-in a serendipic fashion(well, "they" don't say that but I do). So, why do I still write even though a reasonable topic may have evaded me? Is it because I simply want to complete my 10,000 hours or is it because of passion?

If it is passion that drives me then you do not have to worry about the content that is conatined within the blog but if I am looking to simply cover up my 10,000 hours then this is all about quantity rather than quality. If so, then you should move on to another blog.
This is my definition of passion- passion is the difference between Eminem and Gucci Mane, passion is the difference between Natalie Portman and Keanu Reeves. You can see where I'm getting at, don't you?

If you have a work instead of a job then everyday is a holiday.

My question to you today is this; do you do what you do because of passion or because you feel that you have to? If you are passionate about what you do then kudos to you but if you are doing it because you have to then quit your job and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Passion; the difference between a happy man and a miserable man.
Go and get happy. No one likes a miserable person because you make everyone else miserable.

HEY VIRGINITY! I WANT YOU BACK....

I lost my virginity when I was 14. And I haven't been able to find it.
-David Duchovny

When I was a freshman in high school I always imagined of the day that I'd lose my virginity. Being the typical teenager my dreams at the moment were less along the line of losing it to the person that I loved and more focused on banging some random girl I would meet at a party (no man can say that they haven't thought about it).
That was a constant thought it my head because I wondered why virginity was so special anyway. I mean, as far as I was concerned it was more of a state of mind rather than a physical attribute.
As a child we are always told that when you fall in love you'll know when the time comes for you to consummate that love but you are not told that it is better that your first time should be about making love rather than having sex. This in turn leads to uninformed youths looking forward to having sex rather than making love so you can imagine how charismatic one gets when the opportunity arrives.

 By that time you are anxious and overjoyed. The only things that are running through your mind are "should I be gentle or should I go all out?" and "should I carry a condom with me?". And then it happens. You have sex, you are no longer a virgin, all the endless nights of masturbation have possibly come to an end. That's what you think.
When I lost my virginity it was terrifying. Was I good enough? Were twenty minutes long enough? What would she think about me afterwards? But do you know what the most important thing was, "I had lost my virginity". No longer would I walk and ask myself, "how many times has that guy had sex?". Those days were over.
However, another problem rose from the pits of my bowels. I didn't use a condom. What the fuck! As far as I was concerned I was carrying some sort of STD. Those fears were with me for three months before I had the nerve to get tested (lucky me cause the tests came back negative). And if that wasn't enough, I started to believe that she was pregnant. On top of that, I assumed that she was screwing someone else. I fucking hated her.
Why did I hate her? I hated her because of my own mistake; I had sex and didn't make love. The reason that I had sex with her and didn't make love to her was because I didn't love her. Simple enough. All those problems I thought were going down were just me being paranoid because I had lost it to a random person.


Virginity isn't dignity but a lack of opportunity.

I had found my opportunity but didn't take it as I was supposed to. The opportunity to look at sex in the eye and say, "I don't want you" but I failed. My opportunity was gone and I was no longer a virgin; something that I assumed I could do without when I possessed it but knew I needed when I had discarded of it.
What happened to me was something that no one should have to go through. Don't dream of having sex, dream of making love because if you are to have sex you'll wake up the next morning with a bad taste in you mouth that will never go away.

P.s. Virginity is yours to keep. If you'd rather live with it then the better for you (but that's a bit freak-like though).

SILENCE: GOLDEN OR GOLD-COATED?

Today  morning I watched a programme on the Japanese channel NHK (DStv 433). The programme was called Begin Japanology and it focuses on aspects of Japan that people tend to overlook. Today's topic was Zen Buddhism. Now, this has overally nothing to do with the topic I am just about to discuss but it is the foundation.

The Zen head priest called Noelke Muho was telling the presenter of the challenges he faced while becoming a priest and then he stopped talking. The air was filled with utter silence and it spread over to my living room. What was the silence for? Was he thinking of what to say next or did he just fill that it was necessary? The answer to those questions are irrelevant at this stage.
Anyway, there is a saying that states that speech is silver and silence is golden. What does that even mean? Well, most people would state that it refers to the idea that a lot more can be gotten from silence than from speech. How is that so?
When I was a child my mother always wondered why I was so quiet. That would then lead to a squabble which would end with her telling me that whenever I had a problem I should learn to speak up about it. What did I learn from that? I learned that silence isn't golden but gold-coated.
What can silence get you? It can get you a lot of things such as the nickname "push-over", a headache from people constantly pushing you over and people's assumption of your weakness. Yeah, not much good comes of it.
In the far east (Japan to be specific), they have symbols which tell us more on silence and outspokenness.This symbols "Deko and Beko" refer to ideologies. Deko speaks of the the state of mind used by the Japanese. That state of mind refers to the fact that they do not need to speak up to know that something needs to be done i.e. they understand the aura exerted by those around them and beko refers to the state of mind commonly around the west which states that you need to speak up to get what you want.

Which of the two idealogies is correct? Do you think that silence is golden or is it gold-coated or is speech silver or is it just shiny aluminium? You be the judge.

GENETICS AND DESTINY.

Has anyone seen the Grey's Anatomy teaser on MNET Series? Well, if you have then good for you and if you haven't get you ass down on in front of the TV and spend longer periods of time there.
According to that teaser, we are who we are from birth, like genetics set in stone. That makes things unfair, doesn't it? What does that imply? It implies that you are what you are not because of your past experiences but because of the combination between mummy and daddy.
It explains a lot, however. One of the most explained things would be the difference between winners and losers. There is a blog titles "things we forget" (thingsweforget.blogspot.com) which explains the theory clearly in  a single image.

If the teaser speaks of the truth then it would imply that the reason that one person would see a hurdle and the other a barrier is not because one chose to look at them that way but because of your genetic structure. That sucks. Well, it sucks if you are a loser because it means that you will be a loser for the rest of your life.
What effect does this have on destiny? According to the Oxford dictionary, destiny refers to what will happen to someone in future, especially things that they cannot change or avoid (point one for destiny). This in turn implies that destiny and genetics go hand in hand i.e. you will not have a hot girlfriend because genetics and destiny have conspired against you, you will be a billionaire because genetics and destiny have decided so.
It has been written in a book by Paulo Coelho (paulocoelhoblog.com) that when you desire something, the universe conspires to help you get it. If Paulo Coelho is indeed as wise as he seems in the content of his works then this match is at a draw. Why is that so? Because as much as genetics and destiny conspire against you, the universe conspires in your favour. Then I guess the losers are all lucky. Maybe the next time you look at that image the universe will make you see a hurdle.
In the end it all boils down to how much you desire something. Even though your genetics say that you will never be assertive enough to stand up to that bully, maybe your desire will beat it down. Do not make this stop you for chasing after what you believe in. Go for goal and come back with glory.

MATURITY VS. IMMATURITY

Wasn't childhood grand? The simplicity in everything and the ignorance. Those were the parts of childhood that I enjoyed. As a child it was easy to give any answer to any question without fearing any blast of rage due to your reply. Everyone assumed that they were geniuses because we believed that we were simply smarter than the next person, everyone knew that they were the strongest because they won that last game of arm-wrestling and everyone believed they were the most attractive because mother told them so. Those were the good old days. When nothing bothered us apart from that missed episode of SpongeBob Squarepants. But alas, those moments have to come to an end.
As we get older we look at the world from a different perspective. Nothing is ever as bright or as colourful as they were before, we all give the same answer to the one question because it is the "mature" thing to do and we worry too much about what the rest of the world thinks about us rather than what we think about the rest of the world. The world is just so dull because we have come to limit our expectations and cut-off our imagination. A wise man once said that maturity terms rationality as knowing what we cannot do. Well, I say that wise man was not wise enough. An even wiser man said that adults are obsolete children. Why is that so? We lack what it takes to make our lives magical. We worry more about the latest fashion trends, no matter how uncomfortable they are, rather than being happy.
Why don't we go back to our roots (the roots in reference being immaturity)? Maybe the world would be so much better if we learned the answer to this question: are you happy with the way you live your life today? Well, honestly I am not. I'd rather be frolicking in the garden rather than stay indoors and study for my next test. But I can't because I was told that mature people know how to prioritise. Well, I say that immature people know WHAT to prioritise.
Live your life for you and not for those around you. You were born alone (unless you have a twin) and you will die alone (unless you die in some sort of freak accident) so wouldn't it be better to make the most of your life in a way that pleases you?

WHEN WILL ETERNITY GET HERE???

I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads this has watched Boston Legal. You know; the show with the crazy lawyers who always seem to win their cases with a combination of charm, wit and just the right amount of insanity.
Well, Boston legal has greatly affected my future. How so you might ask? The answer to that is pretty obvious. Well, if you're a proper genius, that is.
Since childhood, I have always avoided mathematics. The subject never seemed to sink in deep enough or the waters were just a lot heavier than usual. When I got into high school I was asked what I wanted to be. Pretty easy, isn't it? By that time most people would say doctors, engineers, pilots. I did not have the power to say that because I knew what it took to be any of those things; advanced knowledge in mathematics.
I constantly asked myself, what career did not require innate ability in mathematics. The answer came to me in the form of a copyrighted CD with the scribbled title: Boston Legal.
At first the show was horrible. I mean, William Shatner's (is that how you spell his name?) potrayal of his character was reprehensible and Alan Shore was a dick to say the least. But after a couple of episodes the idea had sank in. Being a lawyer was easy. I mean, if someone like Denny Crane could do it then why would Oscar Ruto lack the ability to do it.
I was asked the same question a few days later, "What do you want to be when you're older?"
"A lawyer," it rolled out of my toungue like semen out of a pornstar.
After hours of (dare I say it) "meticulous" research I discovered that I needed only a basic knowledge of mathematics in order to get into the field of law. Yeah, that would suit me perfectly.
I spent the next three years telling everyone around me that I would be a lawyer.
Earlier this year the final examinations was tossed onto our laps. I would either make or break my future and then it dawned on me. For some reason the results of that examination did not bother me because I had just concluded that law was not where I wanted to go (you see the ryhmes, don't you?).
My parents were furious because they assumed that being a lawyer was my dream and that I had just lost sight of where I wanted to be. The truth was that I had just got sight of where I did want to go and the courts were not on that path.
What is the point of this short "tale"?
The point is simple. Sometimes it may take an eternity to know what you want, or rather, don't want out of this life. Due to the fact that we only have one life, I think it would be wise to wait for that so-called eternity to end before ripping the price tag of a pair of jeans that don't fit.

Brain and heart.

A friend of mine once told me that it took true manhood to have a strong heart. He went ahead to state that it was better to have a heart than a brain. Due to my curious nature, I was forced to ask why that is so. Him, being the confident orator that he is, pointed out that when someone is brain dead, they were still alive because their hearts were still beating. Pretty reasonable, isn't it? However, as I begun to ponder on this mentality, I came to the conclusion that as much as he was right, he lacked the capacity to think that maybe it was more the mind that the "heart" that dealt with valiance and all other characteristics that would make people claim that one has a strong and pure heart.
This obvioulsy sounds superficial and is mostly biology than psychology. But what is psychology? This is the study of the human mind; exactly, mind and not heart......
This blog is incomplete and it shall only be complete once I can start up a good debate via my followers.

Ending ushering in new beginnings.

Between January of 2010 and March of the same year, I have been haunted by the idiocratic believes that the world is coming to an end on May 21st (of the same year). Now, this feeling has been burning inside me more violently than any force of nature or any unsatisfied desire.
However, on March 25th (specifically today), I found a new beginning to a possible and potential end.
The IGCSE had begun with the ICT practical paper. On this paper I was shocked my my utter lack of preparation for the test that lay before me. Lucky enough, after some battles with failure, I found my way around the paper with no worries.
I realised that as much as I thought that I had ripped that paper to shreds with my intellectual prowess, I might have also failed to do so.
FAILUIRE! Not my strong suits but as soon as I noticed that I might have failed, I threw caution to the wind and ran for the hills with my head up high knowing full well that that paper could define my life either way without depending on how I performed it. Whether I failed or not, this paper would change my life and lead to it to a path that I had not anticipated.
The end of this paper gave me a whole new look on life; it ushered a new beginning.