TO QUESTION-TO BLASPHEME OR TO APPRECIATE

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
-Albert Einstein

Something amazing happened today. My logic was questioned. Why is that amazing? Answer; when one's logic is questioned they tend to go beyond themselves in order to prove that their reasoning is up to par, which I did.
This being a typical Tuesday filled with a long break between my first and second classes of the day I tend to roam around campus a lot. The logic to this-simple yet overt discoveries came to light during one's least attentive moment. 
Anyway, my girlfriend had just left. While loitering through campus I came across a friend from two of my classes in my first two semesters. Now, she always the smartest girl in the class. Well, the course was Japanese and she may have not been the leading student in the class (that's because I was) but she definitely possessed an innate ability to apply logic to whatever lay before her. 
So today while I was roaming I bumped into her and believe it or not she was reading a Nora Roberts book out loud. Her reason-most of the people on campus were having a class and she had the freedom to express her inner freak.  We just strolled around together until she decided to go all Socrates on me and asked me a simple question; do you believe in evolution? Oh, little did I know that this would lead to an intense argument that would span close to an hour. When I say argument I mean a clear and concise expression of our opinions without having to impose it onto the other.
Now, back to the question. 
She: Do you believe in evolution?
Me: Yes.
She: Why?
Me: Because I don't believe in god and I have to accept that we came from somewhere.
She: Why don't you believe?
Me: Because I believe that needing the fear of god in order for us to be good people means there is something wrong with us as humans.

You can see where this is headed. No, you don't see where this is headed because in most cases it would lead onto a heated debate but this led onto a discussion where she tried to explain to me why she believes.
 Her reasoning was clear. She believes in the existence of a higher being because god to her is the link between the present and the future. That entity that gives us the hope for a future is god. She went on to add that we need fear in order to live a balanced life. An idea of perfection is only possible because we know of imperfection (that's not exactly how she put it, just how I chose to understand it) and we fear because an ounce of fear is what will let us know joy. We also need to believe in a higher being because knowing that life ends in death and nothing more then makes life uneventful. A belief in a being that is better than us drives us to be a lot better than we currently are. Does it make sense? It's logical. That was her argument.
Mine was a bit simplistic. Is god's job then nothing more than just to act as an entity that provides hope? If the big bang is questionable because of an apparent lack of knowledge of what came right before the big bang then where did god come from? Did he just pop up or was he just there? Why are we told not to question?
However, while I was dotting down those questions in my mind I came upon a shocking realization. You cannot question what came before the big bang because before the big bang time was non-existent. What does this mean? It means that the big bang was the beginning of time and there is nothing North of the North Pole..... Clear, isn't it?
Well, the choice is yours.
As time progressed I explained that if there is really a god then shouldn't this being then appreciate the fact that we question his existence because it is from questioning that we come to understand. Her statement against this was that sometimes we need to accept that having faith does not mean that we do not question but rather that we don't need to. Faith is belief with a hint of ignorance. Possessing knowledge is never the most ideal thing because maybe what we might discover at the end of all the research would be akin to coming to the end of a sad story. How would that affect our lives as human beings? 
At the end of it all I came to my all conclusion. The belief in a god is an endless quest for knowledge and understanding that is barricaded with religion and the homo ignoramus that claim to question is to blaspheme. 
Do I believe? I believe that my life is diverse, expansive, and beauty and the reality of a death should be an indicator to lead a more fruitful life. 
Do I believe in a higher being that created us at a whim? No. Simple concise and to the point......

FAITH

God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
-Albert Einstein

What can I say on this topic? It's quite frightening to write about God knowing full well that any callously used phrase can be called blasphemous. Well, I'm a writer. My work isn't to please the audience but to make them think, right?
God; what can I say about Him? I think that it's pretty clear from the way I have punctuated the previous sentence that I believe in Him but it has not always been so. There were several points in my life that I assumed that I could do without him. Times when I was lost and expecting to be found but it never seemed to happen. Times when I thought that know one was with me in the darkness. But I was wrong. God was with me and it was He who brought me out of the abyss and into the eternal light(sounds a bit moronic. I know).
Why do most people believe in God? The answer is quite simple really; they fear the repercussion of having to admit otherwise or they have been raised to believe that not believing in Him will get them in the pits of hell. Are these really good reasons to believe in God? Believing in Him because of fear and not because of love and respect. Is it really better to be loved or to be feared?
When I lost faith in God it was because I did not understand a lot of the things that made Him who He was plus the bible had a lot of holes in it(it still does but that's beside the point). If God truly did care for us then why did He have to cause all the suffering for those who were faithful to Him. That wasn't really my reason but it served as a good excuse. I just stopped believing because I had got to a point in my life where I thought it served no purpose to do so. If things were going to get fucked up then lack of faith in God meant that the only one to blame was yourself. After years of doing so I joined His flock again. This does not imply that I'm one of those who goes around screaming that he/she is saved but I do have enough faith to call myself a believer.
So, why don't I go to church every other Sunday if I do believe. I don't do so because I don't think that going to church proves anything. Who am I kidding? I don't go to church because I like to party, I like it when my touch drives all the girls crazy and I liked to be tucked down with the radio on and the night belongs to me(mmmmh! Beyonce can work some magic). I spend my Saturday nights lost in the disco beats and spend Sunday mornings lost in the sheets. All play and no work made Jack a mere toy, made Hugh Hefner a playboy and made me less coy.

I have a leve faith that makes it right for me to say I believe in God but I do not have the level of faith that makes it right for me to say that the gates of heaven will open up before me. For all I know I might be stuck on middle ground.
The point is that we do not know what it means to believe in God until you quit for a while The lesson here is not that you should try it but rather you should avoid it. A world without a superior being to look up to is not a world worth living in.