BECAUSE THE TIME WAS RIGHT FOR ONLY A HALF OF THE COUPLE

 I want to top expectations. I want to blow you away.

 -Quentin Tarantino

It's a bit difficult to live up to one's expectation. Be it our parent's, girlfriend's/boyfriend's, spouse's, or even society. We fear the idea of being ostracized because we want to fit into a particular accolade. If someone wants us to be something it's either we try to achieve that or surpass that. Failure to attain the required level gives us a feeling of self-resentment.
Now, I compare this to myself.
Yesterday, I put myself into a situation that made me feel like quite the arsenine man. The experience that was before me was generally one that would put anyone of my gender the desire to act up on it. Did I act up on it? Definitely. Failure to act up on it would have been a complete disaster but I endured a strange dilemma afterwards.
Before the act I was certain that the experience would be something that I would define the week by. A great or rather occasional event that would be cataclysmic enough for me to a kin it to a smile from the universe. During the act I was in nirvana. What can I say? The secondary head decided to take full control. Yes, whatever you're guessing is probably on point.
After the act I was flying between two trapeze. That moment when you don't know whether you're going to fall or to swing to safety. Well, I was confused about what had just happened.
It bothered me greatly because as much as the act was vital in developing me as a man it failed to give me the spiritual satisfaction that I needed. But why did it bother me so? That's because I wanted to wait until I was psychologically prepared for the act. But I did it anyway because the person that the act involved felt that they were ready and I was even less ready to disappoint.
Now, here I am. Griping to strangers on a virtual world. Why is that so? I'm I too much of a coward to have said no? No. I'm too much of a man to have said no.