DETERMINATE

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor
Determinate, d-determinate
Push until you can't and then demand more
Determinate, d-determinate

-Lemonade Mouth (Disney Channel Original Movie)

I always wanted to be a writer. What is writing all about for me? For me this means that I find a canvas to create a literary world whereby I can pour my emotions and tell the world that I'm not only good at it but I enjoy it. But being a writer takes a lot more than just writing. It's about being determined determinated (yeah, I watch Disney).

Determination is hard. Determination implies that you push until you can't then demand more. That translates to writing beyond your level of satisfaction and then go just a little further (well that's the author's translation anyway).

All my life I have lacked the determination it took to do anything. I was never good at studying, I was never good at sports and I was never good at being with people. The thing is that I could have been good at any of these things if I tried just a little harder. In order for me to be a great writer I need to put a little more effort into writing and take a little more time to make my writing better than it is because believe me, it does get better, way better.

Unfortunately, today is not the day that I give it my all. Well, this is not the place really. I have a book to write and I have been putting it off for too long. I need that sense of accomplishment, I need to feel that my life has amounted to something; a book, not just any book but a book that will make the whole world say, "wow, Oscar Ruto did this?"

I am getting determinated one way or the other. That's one of the many things that life is all about. It makes things all the more interesting and it makes my ego-maniacal nature all the more worth while.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM JAY!!!

When you age know that the universe favours you.

-Oscar Ruto

Today is a special day. Judging from the fact that I used my own quote today it'd be safe to assume that it is my birthday. Well, assumptions do tend to be wrong and this situation is no different. Today is a birthday but it is not my birthday. On this day we celebrate (well, we don't really celebrate but you get the point) the birthday of a fellow blogger and cyber-mate (does such a word exist. If not then I have the rights to it), Meghan, yes, the friend I blogged about recently.

I stated in that blog post that Meghan and I became friends through facebook. If I do remember correctly she sent a friend request and I was at awe because I did not know who she was. Being the egotistical bastard that I am, I assumed that she fancied my profile picture. Who was I to decline the request of a woman whose profile picture was, and still is, equally if not more stunning? So I accepted.
What assumption did I make from that extra friend on facebook? Oh , she was bound to be just another friend that I never talked to or inboxed or had any interest whatsoever in. However, fate had another plan.
Coincidentally, that was the same time that I started taking blogging seriously. In order to expand interest in my blog I shared it to friends on facebook. Meghan was one of the few who actually read it and strangely enough she liked it. I got my first comment from her and she was one of my first followers.
At that same time she decided to put up a blog of her own and you can guess the rest from that point onwards.
Meghan, you have made me want to put up a post every single day. You have made writing a joy and I really do appreciate the fact that you took interest in my blog.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM JAY.
I DO HOPE YOU LIVE TO SEE ME WIN MY NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE (there I go. The battle with my ego rages on even on this day).

A RESOLUTION THREE WEEKS TOO SOON.

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

I intend to give a small description of myself. This is more of a psychological description and not a physical one.
I am immature, inconsiderate, pompous, inciteful, solitary and overally egotistical. I have endured pain and suffering that, for the most part, have been caused by none other than myself. All my success have come about not by hard work or determination but by serendipity e.g. since I enrolled in high school I have held the top position longer than anyone else in my year. As much as I'd like to give my intelligence all the rave, that would not be true. I am not necessarily the smartest person in any room that I walk into but for some reason my grades were always at the top of the list.
The sad part about stating all these things is that I can. I know that I have a problem yet I have done nothing towards dealing with the problem. It has been made clear that the first step towards fixing a problem is knowing that there is a problem. Yeah, that doesn't seem to be the case with me. As soon as I learn that I have a problem I learn to live with it rather than take action against it. Today, however, I have made a resolution (yeah, three weeks before new year's eve); I am going to change.

Change, as we have been told, is all about trying to make those that are imperfect perfect, accepting that you can get it from just about everything but a vending machine and telling the theoretical physicists that their theory of change being the only constant is a lot more than just a theory.
When I was a freshman in high school there was a senior that I looked up to. He was highly intelligent, diligent and respected. I always said to myself that I wanted to be like that guy. Now, four years later I'm not that guy. I am a version of myself that I want to do away with. But I have come to a decision. No longer do I want to be like that senior. I want to be the version of me that I can live with. I am a work in progress and I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to be the person that I can be.

P.s. Not all change is for the better and not all steps move forward.

ANOTHER DEFINITION TO A COMMON STATE OF MIND.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

-Mohandas Gandhi

Today I received a wall post from a fellow blogger, Meghan (this time I'll go with an alias), on facebook. The post was pretty clear;happiness. My reply to this was rather odd; the ever so, dare I say it, prevalent "huh". What was that post supposed to symbolize? Obviously, being a fellow blogger, I assumed that she was handing me a topic to write about since I had made it ever so clear that I took pride in the fact that I can turn any pile of shit into pieces of work that would look like that from Hemmingway (yeah, it's a constant fight with my ego).
So here I am. In front of a computer screen contemplating how I should go about this diverse topic. Huh! Maybe even I have problems with creating gold from iron.
I have known Meghan for a couple of weeks now and I'd like to consider her as a friend even though it is pretty clear that we haven't met. Our only "region" of convergence is the virtual world. Yes, the world wide web. Through her blog, awanderingfirefly.blogspot.com, I have been able to see the places she has seen, taste the food that have graced her tongue and drown in the myriads of emotions that she has gone through.
When her world was opened to me I made a statement that cynically humurous, "I hate you cause your writing is better than mine". What a guy I must be?
Being the sweet person that she is, she replied by saying, "no, I don't think so. I love your writing."
What can I say about such a person? I can say that this person isn't modest about humility. She made me feel absolutely amazing without even knowing it. That wandering firefly lit up my world and caused me to leave teardrops everywhere with her kind words and not-so-modest humility.
Maybe that's what happiness is all about; receiving support not only from those who love you but those that simply know you.

Drinks to you Meghan. You made writing that much funner for me.

P.s I do guess that I have found a way to make gold out of iron. Yeah, Hemmingway is definitely looking up at me plus maybe Meghan wasn't really giving me a topic to write about but just stating a state of mind. Who cares? In the end I gained just another thing to prove that I am a fairly decent writer.

WHAT SORT OF CHARACTER WOULD I BE?

It is also true that one can write nothing readable unless one constantly struggles to efface one's own personality. Good prose is like a windowpane.

-George Orwell

As a bored teenager who would rather spend his days enjoying the feuds within television dramas rather than go out and experience life first-hand I tend to dwell upon quite a series of strange questions. One of these many questions has wrecked havoc through my psychological being for years but not once have I been able to access an answer within the vast and rather messy library that is my brain; what sort of character would I be in a movie/television series? Huh! What a question right? I'm not going to take credit and assume that I'm the first person to have asked mysef such a question but I am going to say that I am one of the first to point it out (I've got an issue with my ego)
Well, it is safe for me to assume that most people would hope that they were heroes in a major script. Those who go in such of danger with an aim of eradicating it and of course they are those who hope to be the intelligent villain whose diverse intellectual abilities allow him to predict every step carried out by the other characters. The fact remains that no one wants to be the supporting character. We all want to have the larger-than-life personality that would let us be that guy in the movie that we all love or rather love to hate.
How do I become that guy?
That's a simple question that deserves a complex answer. It's all about personality (I guess it isn't as complex as I had presumed). Personality is what sets apart the men from the boys (well, not really but it does play a role), it's what separates the TV stars from the movie stars.  Yeah, if you believe that you are larger-than-life then you just might end up being over 1258 Lbs.

Personality traits are not things that we are born with. Just because your father is badass it doesn't mean that you'll be whooping ass all your life. Through experiences that we gain in our life we come to make small changes about ourselves that eventually build up a major personality; you. The path that you have followed in life will determine what sort of character you'll be hero, villain or supporting. Me, I'd rather be at the top of the food chain but things just don't happen because we want them to. Sometimes we've got to stop kissing as and start whooping ass to get to the top and build our personalities because that's an accessory that you need with you everywhere you go.

DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE!!

I'm dense when it comes to discouragement.

-Lynn Abbey

Recently I came upon a new "habit" if you will; wearing skinny jeans. Now, I'm not one to be egocentric but I know for certain that they make me look fabulous. Not just because of my nice ass but because two months of pumping iron in the gym have made my legs rather desirable, especially the thighs.

Skinny jeans are not the most comfortable item of clothing that one can own and they do carry with them some stereotype that's rampant in the streets on Nairobi; apparently wearing skinny jeans makes you gay. If that is so then I am most certainly willing to make out with Graham Norton.

As much as I do love rockin' them the burden of people's mentalities sort of weighs down on you. Thus I say this; Nairobians have rained on my parade and unfortunately, my umbrella isn't with me.

So, should I go on with the trend made clear to me by the New Boyz or should I drop down the skinnies, let the world view the sheer mass on my appendage and pull up a pair of straight fitting jeans that do nothing for my ego? I think I'll stick to the skinnies.

When I first learned that women's pencil jeans were being worn by men I was astounded. How could that be? I mean, I could understand the Scottish wearing skirts (which is a fact they try to canopy by referring to them as kilts but we can all see that they are skirts) but such tight jeans. How could one hold in the discomfort of denim groping onto your junk? At least the Scottish skirt, I mean kilts, give you some room to breathe.

Years passed by and I had not yet let the opportunity to wear a pair into my front door. Eventually, I succumb to the pressure of constant images of seemingly bad ass rock stars rockin' skinnies so I stepped into the world of tight ass jeans.

In all honesty, it has been a blast. They do so much for your self-esteem in the most unorthodox of ways and if ego is your think then you will enjoy being in them. So to be told that rockin' them makes me something that I'm not, well that sucks.

In protest to this, I will roam the streets of Nairobi for months on end wearing nothing to cover my limbs (legs to be specific) but skinny jeans cause I ROCK SKINNIES, I ROCK SKINNIES and they feel great (well, not that much but I look good).