OPEN UP

 Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.

-Bo Bennet

And here we are again. What shall this oddly frustrated boy, I mean man, have to say about the queer thoughts that traverse my squiggly mind (yes, in here it be unruly).
So, shocker-I got a girlfriend. Yes, this "dawg" has been busy. How did all this happen? Well, this happened when an odd and curious young chap met a woman with more worth in her being than most people have in their entire existence. We've been dating for two months and two weeks and the beauty of the relationship has blossomed rapidly.
Anyway, that's not what the post is focusing on. The point of this post is to discuss what I have experienced in the relationship ever since it started getting serious.
From without, it all seems like daisies and freshly cut roses. Well, I'm here to tell you, it is..... Really?!
ハイ モチロン......... You probably don't get that but it doesn't make much of a difference.
I don't know if it's just her or maybe I feel easy around her radiance. Things have been so good for such a long time such that it got me worried as what would happen once that joy was to start sliding away.
Then today happened.

As far as I was concerned it was going to be just another Tuesday where I'd pick her from her home and we'd leave for school together. That was the plan until I was informed that we were to take her sister to her school so as she could get some forms signed and take them to her father for further inspection. She's my girlfriend so the answer was a definite why not.
We left and things were going well until we messed up the schedule. My perspective on time may not be as severe as that of an Asian but I do appreciate sticking to one schedule.
Frustration set in but I could not complain about it because I understand that she was taking care of her family and I had agreed to being a part of the ride. Being quiet about my problems is something I've mastered but I've come to understand that with her I need to learn to speak up. She is amazing and the essence of my contentment but I should not let the fear of displeasing her make me unhappy.
After those few remarks I come to understand and appreciate that silence isn't golden but a rather cheap imitation of the real deal.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE? THAT TRULY IS THE QUESTION....

The more unintelligent a man is, the less mysterious existence seems to him.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

As of September 3rd I have made it my business to assemble every last functioning neuron in my brain to enjoy the complexities that is philosophy. In high school I always gave myself props for having a deductive mind that would penetrate the ideologies of Marx and Machiavelli in order to......well, to make them look like idiots. That was the plan.

However, my perception of philosophy is not what it turned out to be. On my first lesson I was bombarded with questions such as what is free will? is there really a god? is there anything beyond the universe we know? and so on. In all honesty, those were rather interesting questions. It was a riot to watch the entire class divide into factions that would either support or oppose different ideas.

Soon enough the fun subsided and we were discussing topics such as logic and the minds of Socrates and Aristotle. To any other philosophy student-YES- to me-WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?

And then it came...........

What the lecturer brought for us was something discerning. Something that picked at my mind for days. The lecturer had brought to class a sheet of paper that had in it information on the philosophical aspects of physics, its history and so on.

So, apparently, physics is divided into three categories; classic physics, molecular physics, and quantum physics. Well, that's all well and good but why would I be interested in that? The answer to that lies deep in the confines of molecular physics.

Molecular physics gives this notion that, well in simple terms, big things are just small versions of even bigger things (ignoramus terminology). The idea behind this is that every object is made up of tiny particles called atoms and those atoms are made up of even smaller particles which are protons neurons and electrons. 

Now, behind this fact (or opinion) is an even more puzzling concept. The space between every neuron, proton, and electron is so expansive that the idea of existence seems unworldly. Everything around us is then presumably made of space. Again, what the fuck!!!

Molecular physics then argues out that physical matter does exist but there isn't much of it in any given physical object and our notion of matter is nothing more than empty space.

So does this mean that existence does not carry with it the weight it does at your current stage of ignorance? Yes, it does. If we are all space then it means then, virtually, we barely (yes, barely) exist. We are in essence units of space. 

And then came Quantum Physics. What does this beast entail? This monster states that these subatomic particles are not particles but rather amounts of energy (quanta means amounts in Latin) that only exist by probability. That is to say that these particles only have a tendency to exist. If that be the case then it raises the question- are we or aren't we? According to this theoretical science we may not be.

Existence is nothing but a mere conjured notion of the human mind. What does it mean to exist? Having a tendency only makes it clear that we may not be but the fact that I am here doing this shows that I am therefore I do.

To be or not to be? That truly is the question.